One of the hardest days of my life was the day that I dropped my daughter off for the first time at college.
I lingered as long as I could when I brought her there. We moved her in, made her bed, and took her to the grocery store to stock her room with college student snack essentials. When it was finally time to go we looked at each other with the greatest of trepidations, hugged, and parted. I got in the car just in time for her to not see the tears in my eyes that I got when I saw them in hers.
When I got home, it was probably the closest I had ever been to being depressed. Her room was dark and quiet: no music, no tv, and no laughter as she talked with friends on the phone. She was not there to come out of her room to say “Hi” when I walked in the door like she had done nearly every day before. The realization set in that she had just taken her first big step towards the rest of her life.
Granted there are small steps that our children take on their way to adulthood. But moving out of the house, even if it’s into a college dorm, is one of the first biggies. We are not there anymore to see what’s going on in their life. We rely on the occasional phone call. At first the calls come fast and furious as they try to settle into their new life without us being there all the time as well. But as they begin to spread their wings and get comfortable, the calls become less frequent.
Our job as parents, as hard as it might have been while we tried to provide a basis of strong morals and values for their lives while they were younger, just took another step up in difficulty. We now must back-off. This may be one of the hardest things we need to learn to do as parents. We need to resist the urge to call or text message all the time. This is the time that all of our previous hard work comes into play. We must learn to let go and allow them to begin to use their judgment and develop their interpersonal skills. They now must learn to deal with roommates, problem solve, manage their time, figure out how to eat, do laundry, wake up for class, deal with stress… you name it – all on their own.
As a good parent, it is our job now to have the strength to watch them rise or fall based upon their actions and decisions they now make. It is our job now to force them to rely on their own problem solving abilities and not use us as crutches to get through their new life.
But as parents we will always be there for them if they need us.
I believe it is the same with God.
We are the children of God. 1 John 3:1 tells us this: “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!”
God made us. God raised us. God taught us what He has expected from us from the day we were first put on earth. He gave us free will and then He let us go out into the world. Over time, there have been stories of great success and stories of great failure.
God loves us enough to not control our every move.
Just like a parent who must let their child live their own life and figure things out for themselves, God does not hover over us telling us that each decision we make is good or bad. He has given us the basis for being able to make good or bad decisions. And after making our own decision, we must live with the consequences – good or bad.
God loves us enough to be there for us when we need Him. He is always there for us – in the good times and the bad. We just need to reach out to Him.
Just like we will always be there for our children, God is always there for us – His children.
This is a very real depiction of God. Someone once painted an analogy for me that made God’s love more transparent: If you could, would you force someone to love you even if you had the power, or would you want them to chose to love you on their own? Gos has already chosen us-ME (though I feel undeserving) and it is up to me to chose HIM. I have chosen to believe in him, even to love him, but sometimes I am not the best at that relationship. In the “real world,” I would say that I am a passionate and true love-er. I am thoughtful, easily excited, appreciative, and transparent. But how can I define my relationship with God? Is it one of affectionate pursuit like that of a future spouse, or like the supportive friend? Do I give the time, do I say the words, to I show thankfulness in my actions and behavior? Do I act like one who has given her heart to Him? I can’t answer yes to all those questions all the time. It is up to me to chose him EVERY day, with every action-with every choice. I must change my thinking and remember that my life is lived out for him and not for me-after all he did lay his own son down for me. It is easy to forget how very real his sweat and blood were that day Jesus died for us. I have found myself too often to be the bench warmer-a coasting soul- riding on the wave of salvation without the respect for the wave that could swallow me whole but holds me up instead.
What I am currently going through is a trial of patience, faith, and perseverance. December will mark a year that I have been graduated with a Degree in Fashion Design and Marketing, and I have yet to go on one fashion design interview, let alone be offered a position. I am discouraged, jealous, and anxious, and I must CHOSE to trust God in my situation. Those negative reactions are reflective of the Devil. If I say I trust in God, I really must trust and let go of my anxieties. I must recognize what I have to be thankful for, and take positive and progressive steps toward my goals regardless of whether or not I think they will amount to anything. A God who can lay down his son to save the World is a God that can certainly handle a job placement problem. Maybe he is testing me, or tweaking me-either way I am being equip for what is to come-and he has a far better plan than I can conjure.
God has dropped me off at the dorm room of Life-and I have frequently forgotten that he is only a phone call away. He is not just there when I need something-though that is when I remember-but ALWAYS. Wanting to help, but letting me learn. How patient is he-waiting on a sinner with such little faith. How blessed I am. The sooner I begin to view this test as training for a divine purpose, the sooner I will be ready for it.
Thank you. I needed this at this moment , in my life.