Life is so short.
When you think about how much time we really have in our lives, it can be quite humbling to realize how quickly it can go by.
I am 49. The odds are that more than half of my life is over. I am to the point where I can remember things that happened before many of the people that I talk to were born. This feels very odd as it just seems like yesterday that I was a teenager.
I am now starting to feel like one of the “old guys” I used to know that would give me life advice. Back then I couldn’t appreciate what they were trying to tell us. I had no idea what they were talking about and sometimes I even thought they were kind of crazy.
Now that I am older I wish I had understood enough about life then to pay a little more attention to what they were saying.
I know how hard it might be for some younger people to try to understand the importance of taking advantage of the time we have been give to live our lives – because when you are younger you feel like you have all of the time in the world.
The time we have been given to live our lives is so very precious and one of the things that I have learned over the years is how many ways there are to lose the time we have been given.
One of the easiest ways to lose our time is by holding on to negative emotions such as anger, hate, and bitterness.
There are things that happen to us that are very hurtful. We could have a list a mile long of what types of things these might be but, no matter what the cause, at times we do become angry.
Becoming angry is a normal human emotion. “Normal” anger comes and then it goes. However, sometimes anger consumes us and we are not able to let it go. This is not normal – in fact it can be unhealthy.
Sometimes anger does not allow us to move forward in our lives in a healthy way. Anger we harbor can cripple us just like a broken leg would. We end up limping through life unable to really move forward in a way that would allow us to truly enjoy life.
While stuck in anger, we can watch our time fly by without us in it just as we might stand on the side of the road and watch a train fly by. Before we realize that we missed the train, it will be too late for us to get on board and recover the time we lost.
The only way to truly release anger is through forgiveness.
I know it is not easy to do but as God forgives us for our sins, we need to learn to forgive others for theirs. It is our ability to forgive that will set us free and allow us to truly enjoy the gift of time that God has given us.
Some people have told me that this is unrealistic because they don’t want the person that hurt them in their lives any more. What I tell these people is that forgiveness is an act for yourself. Forgiveness helps heal you. Because you forgive someone else, you don’t need to have a relationship with that person. You can choose not to but you should try to forgive them in your own heart and soul.
Let us try to follow God’s example as He tells us in His words: “I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” Isaiah 43:25
Let’s not waste the precious time God has given us on anger. Instead, let us learn to forgive so we may heal our hearts and souls and enjoy the gift of time that God has granted us.
I read this for the sake my 17 yr old daughter. She is having a difficult time with forgiveness. This is a very good example of how to forgive. I am reading it so that I may talk to her about it. God bless the efforts of your writings for all of us.
Thank you
Estela Garcia
Estela, I have a series of articles dealing with forgiveness. Look under the category “Forgiveness Series” on the left side of your screen. Forgivenss is not an easy thing to do but unless you forgive, the emotions that you must deal with on a daily basis can be crippling and destructive. Good luck with your daughter. Elmer
If you are having trouble releasing anger, just do the following. Say to God, “I am angry and I feel I have the right to be, but it is eating me up. Please, God, come and forgive through me, because I do not have the ability to do it alone. Thank You for answering this plea, and from now on I will turn this over to You each time it haunts me.” This is what I did when I was mistreated by someone I dearly love. I can discuss the issue and not feel the pain from itany longer. How did I do it? Did I forget it? Well, this is how I did it and I do not remember it, as much as before.It no longer festers inside me. Admit your weakness and turn it over to HIm. He truly cares about us.
Forgiveness is an act of faith. If I believe God has forgiven me all my mistakes, I should follow his example and forgive others just the same. I pray God gives me that kind of faith. I’m not there yet but I’m on my way. I like your statement “we should not waste our precious time God has given us on anger.” Thanks for taking the time to write that article.
How do you learn how to forgive when you think you have forgiven that person of the hurt they have caused you. Then when you think about them and how they just walked out of your life, I realize maybe I haven’t forgiven them. I have thought for a long time it is just plain hurt I feel, but I am not sure. Everyone talks about forgiving and not being angry or bitter. What about God just healing all the pain of being abandoned by someone you loved. Once my pain is gone I can move on.
I’m struggling with anger and it’s causing me to have high blood pressure. I need to release my emotions in a healthy way, but I can’t find the right words to express them. my husband lied to our family and we lost our home to foreclosure and he continues to drink and not work. my world is very sad and lonely. can you help?
how can you forgive the same person over and over again ,,, watching them hurt other people you love… as they have done to me….? it’s the same people that do the hurting…to others..How do you learn too forgive if it becomes the same old thing only happening to someone else that you care about….
Elmer,
I have been very much enjoy reading your daily words. They have really helped me to stay calm and feel the peace. I was born and raised Buddhist and I used to be a very angry person. Since I accpeted Christ and have started to learn more of God’s words, I could feel the changes in me. I learn to forgive and I have felt so much peaceful in my mind. I have recently broken up with my bf Russell who has got the anger issues towards his mother. He has seen therapist for many years and does not seem better. He still does not know how to let that past hurts and angers go. I saw he was saying praying every morning to God but I was always wondering why he did not know how to forgive. I had tried my very best to support him in any way I could but it seemed hopeless. The very last day I walked away from him, I saw the Satan. He was very angry and talked very aggressive towards me. He called me the enemy and threatened me with all kind of things that was so hurtful. I also see a few other people that I know who have been saying prayers to God and then turn to attack other people with words and actions. Up until now, I still continue praying for Russell. Without God, I am lost and do not know how to bring Russell to come really close to Christ. The fact that he has refused to go to church or read any article that will help has brought me no hope. I can only pray to God to help me soften this man’s heart and show him how to forgive. My question is how would you deal with people who really do not know how and do not want to let their angers go? The worse thing is when you forgive but they don’t and they have kept attacking you….what would you do to calm them down or help realize something?
Please advice.
Ammie
Thank you – the words I needed to see are here. I have forgiven those who have hurt me over and over again, but I was consumed with guilt for cutting them out of my life. I had confused forgiveness with stupidity. You helped me see that to move on, I had to forgive them, but that does not mean I have to have a relationship with them. If I do let them become part of my life, it puts me in a position to be hurt again. So I really searched my heart, I forgive them – all of them – but now I must move forward and surround myself with those who truly love me. I have forgiven myself. I know I cannot help them, I cannot change them, I can only pray for them. I used to pray for God to soften my heart and you helped me see that I was praying the wrong prayer – now I pray that God will soften their hearts and help them change.
Dear Elmer
I enjoyed reading this article…I have learned to forgive and had to forgive an exhusband, some of my friends that were with him, and my father who used me as a young child under 10.. I was still mad at him, even though he’s been gone 20 years….I guess its hurt to, but I know it was alot of bitterness, one night after reading articles on here, I was able to ask God to help me to forgive all the ones I mentioned above. I know He granted this, cause I don’t think about the bad with my father like I did. Ty Lord Jesus..
Now I am trying to help my daughter who is 27, get over alot of bitterness with her exhusband and many friends that just have used her in her short lifetime.. so far she has not really wanted to listen to me. But I will still bring it up sometimes, as I tell her I am finally free of my bitterness towards ppl.. I hope one day I can get her to come on this site and read the rest of your aticles on Forgiveness.. ty so much for having them.
Marilyn
I need some serious PRAYER, I gave my heart to God in 1994 and in 1996 I married my soul mate that God had sent me, we survived 2 church splits, and kept going STRONG for the Lord……a third one came, with a VENGENCE and it it ripped my whole world apart, all 3 of my children have been efffected, and we now have no church that we attend. This is has NOT changed my love for God or my desire to SERVE him, but my faith has been demolished, just as I was healing my son son started attending a different church (same faith) and HG filled people did it again….and the scar was reopened, and my son has vowed never to try again, my heart aches,
the bitterness is effecting me…..I want God’s direction in my life, I would like for him to SHOW me where he WANTS ME, HIS WILL be done, not mine
I miss the feeling HIS presence I MISS HIM. Keep my family in your prayers, and that he will HEL my HEAT COMPLETLY and show me what his will is for my life, and that my heart will be OPEN to whatever HIS will is.
Thank you in advance for the prayer!
I should add that my husband LOVE the Lord with all are hearts, but he is not the same either and I want the husband that I married, he was on fire for God when I met him, and now……well like I said it has afftected us all
should i say i forgive you to that person we need to.
I’ve been reading these posts and feel abit of everything that you all have written- overwhelmed by the hurt in this life….I am not a scholar, no degrees on Faith….just have faith- just have a Bible- vengeance is not ours- forgiveness releases us of that. God will take care of it. Yes I struggle with this and have on numerous occasions in life…but we have to remember that this is life here- not eternal life that we were promised- keep the faith, forgive- even the unforgivable- you will be blessed.
Right after I gave my life to the Lord, my preacher told me if I wanted God to forgive me I had to forgive those who hurt me.
That was a hard pill to shallow…… My dad molest me until he killed himself, and my sisters boyfriend shot and killed her.
The whole time he was preaching that night I kept tell myself he’s not talking to me, he just can,t be talking to me. But the truth is he was.
I cried the whole time at atlar call I went running, and i left church that night crying. I called out to God and I cried some more.
That night alone in my room i knelt down by my bed and I called on my Father again, I said Lord I can’t do this I don’t know how. I prayed that day and night.
Then one day someone said something about your daddy, And it didn’t hurt any more all that hate was gone and the man that killed my sister well he has never spend one day in jail for that, but about ayear later he was put in prison for life. He bruitly rapeing an eight year old.
Praise God I dont hate them anymore. My dad is died but I went to his grave and ask for forgiviness. I dont know and it really doesn’t madder if daddy heard me or not but thats how God took all that away from me. It did’t happen over night but Praise God it did happen.
God bless everyone who reads this. I pray it helps someone
Debby C
ive been very angry with my som in law. he has been very disrespecfull towards me.hes in his late 20s. it doesnt help that they live with me. i love them all ,but they need there own place , home. i just prayed an ask god to help us. thank you. god bless.
Thank you Elmer I hope you don’t mind me sharing this, but I have shared it with alot of people through certain channels.
I’m perplexed. I’ve certainly forgiven in my heart, a relative that molested my daughter years ago. Now, that relative says I’m showing unforgiveness by not letting her live in the same household where he would surely be alone with her at times. I’m also being told I’m unforgiving by not letting my children stay in the home of other relatives that gossip badly about me to my children. One member of that family asked forgiveness for nearly getting our children taken away by cps because of her gossip and I forgave her, but she is more actively doing it than ever now. ALL of these people are quite convinced that forgiveness equals a close & restored relationship. I forgive them. I love them. I’m just trying to be careful. Am I doing wrong, here?
Forgiving is essential to follow Jesus and His ways. I have learned to forgive and when I remember the issue, it is without pain that is evidence to me that my heart truly has forgiven. In addition, if that person (who hurt me) needed help, I would step up. It becomes a way of life after awhile and is “healthy” to forgive and move on. Don’t let the person that hurt you take one moment of your joy in a days ahead of you.
Good luck to everyone who fights this battle to honestly forgive. Unless you forgive, God can’t forgive you. It is not easy but you can overcome it with God’s help.
Opinion for Tracy:
Hi Tracy:
I absolutely understand you being careful. You are not doing anything wrong. You have every right to protect your family and that does not reflect on your sincere forgiveness to the family members who have hurt you or crossed the line with your children in any way.
If someone wants to resume a close relationship with you because they believe you did forgive them, you have every right to expect that person to earn your trust. It is written NO WHERE that you have to put yourself of family in an uncomfortable position for this person/persons.
I am proud of you for being close to God and displaying your faith by forgiving family members. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE THEM LIVE IN YOUR HOME. God loves you Tracy and will provide a way for you to escape this gossip that is so hurtful. You answer only to God and God says, “vengenance is mine.” Be happy, be yourself and feel God’s love as you struggle with members of your family.
Good luck Tracy. Please let me know how you are doing.
Sincerely,
Joani
To Debbie C.
To: Debbie C.
I am very proud of you. You struggled to do the right thing. God does answer prayers in His time, His way.
What happened in your life is so horrible. I am sorry you had to suffer losing loved ones so violently. Your fathers molestation of you as well is so serious, I know first hand. Please get some help to go forward and keep God first in your life as He will keep you safe and guide you to His plan for your life. God Bless You.
I want to forgive but it is so hard when you can’t understand why people do the things they do. My parents raised us in a christian home and instilled in us the christian spirit,but when my Dad got sick last year and was dying, I was the only child he had that apparently felt the need to help him. I do live near my parents, and my siblings do not. They made excuses as to why they did not get in to talk with and comfort him during his last days. One sibling made it as he was slipping into coma and the other two the morning after he passed away.one sister is a stay at home housewife, the other two do work, I am a nurse and do still work as well, but I made it clear to my employer that it was my Dad and I would not leave him, even if I lost my job. After the funeral they all left immediately, leaving my Mom and me to take care of everything. My Mom has early alzheimers and I am taking care of her, they haven’t even been supportive to me.Thank God I am married to a wonderful man who has been there for me and God has held me up. But I need to surrender my anger but having trouble doing so. NEED PRAYER
my father’s sisters deprived us of our rights to my grandfather’s properties, esp the ancestral house built for the family, and by this indifference shown to us, we have decided to just forget those properties, let them give those to whomever they would want to give it to. we did not take any legal action against them , bec they are already in their 80’s and well, its quite improper for us to haul them off to court just for a few hectares of land.
pls advise me on this: I myself have forgiven them, but i have decided to sever any kinship with them…i dont consider them my aunts anymore. my conscience is clear, i always sleep well every night without any burden in my heart…but there is this teeny weeny question at the back of my mind which I have asked God in my prayers..is this good in the eyes of God?My father is staying with me, i am taking care of him, but they have not visited him for quite a time.
pls pray for me…
It helps to always remember that ANGER is one letter away from DANGER. We honor God by forgiveness – as he forgives us. Ask for atonement for your wrongdoings – it will be granted – but don’t allow others to use God to shame or blame. Life is way too short to deny true honest feelings, plus God knows your true honest feelings anyway – so denying them doesn’t work, and only leads to depression. Be true to yourself, ask God what HE wants you to do with that. Blessings to all who read this post <3