In past articles, we have spoken about forgiving others and forgiving yourself or, in other words, your being the party doing the forgiving. But there are also times when we might need to be forgiven by another person for hurtful actions we have taken.
Many people carry around a significant amount of guilt as a result of actions they have taken that have been hurtful to others. And many times this guilt can have significant consequences for the person carrying it and may even limit their ability to enjoy their life.
How do you go about releasing yourself and your conscience from the guilt that you might be carrying? You must learn to ask for forgiveness from the other person.
An apology is the first step in asking for the forgiveness you seek.
Having attended Catholic schools as a child, one of our weekly rituals included going to the church next to our school to say confession. Back then, as a youngster, I always thought “what have I done that was so bad that I have to sit in front of a priest and ask him to forgive me?’” I never felt like I was really saying I was sorry for doing anything really too bad – or at least bad enough that I needed a priest to forgive me for it. But with a nun sitting outside the door and a priest sitting next to you behind a screen you better think up some things that you did wrong pretty quickly – this was a lot of pressure for a young kid!
So I would go into the confessional and say the words that I was taught: “Forgive me father for I have sinned.” And I would try to think of some bad things that I had done that week: I forgot to take the trash out, I hit my sister, I talked back to my mother… you get the idea.
Although I can’t tell you the last time I physically went to confession in a church, the words “Forgive me father for I have sinned” have stuck with me. At the time, I thought I was asking “father – the priest” for forgiveness. I since realize that I was asking God the Father for forgiveness. The words “forgive me Father” took on a new and more powerful meaning.
Those words were saying to God “I’m Sorry.”
I realize now that those words were the training grounds to learn how to ask for forgiveness later on.
When we have hurt someone and we want to repent for our action we need to ask for forgiveness from both God and the person that we have wronged.
It is easy to ask God for forgiveness. God knows what you are thinking, what is in your heart, and whether you are truly remorseful or not. Much more difficult than saying “I’m Sorry” to God is saying “I’m Sorry” directly to the person you have hurt.
No one likes rejection. God, we know, accepts us and will forgive us. A person we have hurt may not. These people are sometimes hurt so badly that they don’t even want to hear from you to give you the chance to apologize. Someone cannot be forced to forgive you. All you can do is show remorse, ask for forgiveness, and hope they accept your apology.
If someone chooses not to forgive you that is their choice not yours. You cannot control them, you can only control yourself. By apologizing and seeking forgiveness, you have done all that you can control.
You cannot let someone else’s inability or unwillingness to forgive you bind you to the point where you are unable to let go of the feelings of guilt. Even if the offended party cannot forgive you, you need to take comfort in the fact that God has forgiven you. Now it is time to release yourself from any guilt that may be harboring within you and holding you back from realizing the full potential for your life.
“Then I acknowledged my sin to You and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD” and You forgave the guilt of my sin.” Psalm 32:5.
I had some one tell me some time ago, that not forgiving yourself is almost playing God. Because if the great God can forgive us, how dare we not forgive ourselves. We make ourselves mighter than our Father, who forgives us, everything. It is much easier to say I forgive myself, knowing we are already forgiven, even before we do wrong. That is the reason Jesus died…to set us free from the vestiges of guilt, left by our actions to ourselves and others. Just remember that if God can forgive you for whatever you may have done, surely you can forgive you.
Forgiveness is giving up the idea that you can have a better past….love that…don’t know who said it though.
Forgiving some else is so much easier than forgiving yourself. This site is awesome, such a blessing for all of us. Thanx!!!!
Don
Maybe I’m on not on the same page you are:
“Forgiveness is giving up the idea that you can have a better past”
I’m confused – …you can have a better past, than future, if you forgive????
Could you please explain.
It response to Don’s comment;I think your talking about letting go of your past,cause you can’t change it.No we can’t have a better past than future. It doesn’t have to control you as a person now.Thank God if we are true believer’s in Christ,our future is the only thing we can change ,and will be gloriously changed for eternity, and in eternity.
While we’re still here on earth in this flesh,we have to surrender to the process of letting Him change us on a daily, moment by moment basis. It’s so difficult to let go of past behaviors, and patterns, cause that’s a comfort zone,something we can predict. I’m so thankful that God has revealed to me that my awful and painful past,and still some of my present,will somehow be used for good (a true miracle). To help others,to teach others,who’ve experienced similar things. If I believe that truth( Rom 8:28) and let Him do the changing in ME,and those I love /care about,as I surrender to the process. I will find peace and the tools to do it.Its not easy and often times painful, but so worth it all,for this is how we release ourselves through His power to forgive ourselves. We let it go ! We let God…Be God !
I also believe it can be easier if I follow the process of being obedient to God by forgiving others first, and then asking for their forgiveness.
Was I close Don ?
Please please Lord forgive my son Matt your son Matt praying for rest worry free for matt… Lord I ask pray seek knock call out to you Lord be with Matt thur and Friday this week 11/18-11/19 this I pray in Jesus name ~~ a loving mom~
Please send daily quote to my email.
I have asked for forgiveness, but the person I hurt refuses to accept my apology, so how do I go on???
What if someone has hurt you and you forgive them and let it go.
But they keep doing it. What should you do. I have been hurt so
Many times by the same person and forgive her and just forget
But it is starting to interference in my life with other people
I care about. I just don’t know what to do. This person is my husbands
sister so I can not just not see her. Any ideas I am having a
Hard time with this! Thank u Sarah
Sarah, When Peter asked Jesus how many times should we forgive? Jesus said 70 times 70. In other words, we are to continue to forgive , especially the people who we dislike or are our enemies. It is easier to forgive people we love or like. Remember, by forgiving we are heaping hot coals upon the enemy, who is really Satan. In those moments focus not on your sister in law, but focus on the fact that she is being used by the enemy to get to you. Who can be against you when God is on your side? Focus on His power which is within you.
Please pray for my son and my new wife he said something that he did not mean and she was hurt. He has tried to ask for forgiveness. But she ignored him please I am hurting she is hurting my son is hurting. Its like I have to choose between my son and my wife. I am worried I will have to leave
I think the most difficult thing is when we are truly remorseful and ask for forgiveness and it is not given. Although I know God has forgiven, somehow that “guilt” you mentioned seems to hang on.
I believe I have repented of everything I can remember doing or saying, or even thinking, yet there are times when a particular thing will cross my mind and that guilt comes right along with it.
I am not sure how to handle that.
I to am in a situation right now where I have hurt someone I deeply care about, have asked for forgiveness, and she has not yet responded. It’s been over a month. I’m hurting, but I have to try and go on with my life. I miss her, and I pray that she will forgive me someday. Please forgive me Jennifer.
I’m askin for an advice I’ve wronged a friend. Its been two weeks n three days. She deleted my number, she dooesnt takemy calls. I’ve prayed so hard askin for forgiveness. I know the LORD has forgiven me long time. Pls help me out.
Maggy, you have done all you could. Like it says in the article, if someone doesn’t want to forgive, you can’t make them. God has forgiven you. Now go on with your life.